Love

There are a million definitions of love, right? I am not sure I really knew what it was or was able to explain love until I felt it myself. And though at the time, I may have thought I was in love on more than one occasion, time provides perspective and looking back, I know I have only truly been in love once. How is it that I describe love then? Eckhart Tolle (author of The Power of Now) defines to love as "to recognize yourself in another" (or was that Wedding Crashers?). I probably agree with this definition the most. When I do think about my one true love, I felt a strong sense of familiarity with the other person and most like myself than I have ever felt. It was like a big exhale; like a relaxing into and curling up with this feeling of completely being yourself. What an amazing feeling!

Like I said, I have only felt that once, and that was several years ago when I was probably too young to understand its rarity and not ready to commit myself to that person without having the opportunity to experience life and more relationships. I have no regrets though. I do think I have a greater appreciation of love after having the time to grow as a person, explore life on my own and take advantage of opportunities that came my way. But I don't think I anticipated it taking this long to find it again.

So how does one find love? After dating for over a decade, I don't think I am any closer to knowing that answer. I used to think that although attraction isn't everything, it was God's way of helping us narrow down and identify from the outside who might be right for us on the inside. Convenient theory, huh? How about putting love out there into the universe and it will come back to you. That is a good theory, too and one that Tolle also expresses. But how does one "put love out into the universe?" Is it by showing love and compassion to those around you? Not being afraid to take a chance on someone and let them into your world? I definitely think that helps. Or is it true that you find love when you stop looking for it? That could also be true, but how can you not look for it when you come in contact with people everyday (and cute people at that) and people are always asking, "who are you dating these days?"

After having tried some of the above, I thought a new approach was necessary, and during a recent dinner with an old friend, I came up with an idea. This friend explained that after not having much recent dating success, she decided to attempt to date 29 men before she turned 29 (which was in 2 and a half months). Very ambitious plan, but I see the logic. Setting such a strict goal makes you break out of your traditional dating routines and types. You have to use new resources to find potential dates; ask around, put it out there that you are looking, talk to strangers even. My friend had a lot of fun and said that it totally took the pressure off of dating. She said the guys had fun, too and were very interested to hear what number they were and how they compared to the other men. I think she only made it to 19 before meeting her current boyfriend of two years. She strongly encouraged me to give it a try.

But my birthday was only 3 months ago. Waiting until my next birthday would not curb my pickiness. My half birthday? Well that is in June so that would be good. But I didn't want to commit to dating 31 and 1/2 men before my 31 and 1/2 birthday. So I simplified it to 31 dates before summer. (Catch the very loose movie reference?) And since I am starting right at the start of spring, that gives me a whole season to try to reach my goal.

Who knows what will happen and if I will find "love." But I do think I will have fun, I think my friends will really get into it and I think I will definitely learn something. Can I open myself up, break out of my comfort zones and take a chance on men I may not have before? And, who really knows me best? My friends? My family? The Internet? Tolle? Or am I still the best judge of who I might feel a connection with? I am keeping this blog for myself for now (to keep a diary of the dates and to also capture my thoughts along the way) unless I decide at a later time to share it with others. I expect that I will look back on it in a few years and be amused. And maybe by then my whole definition of love will have changed. After all, some say, "you can't explain love, it just is." Only time will tell.